The day that shall forever be known as Jan 4th 2018 - Part 1

“Unfortunately, the captain has decided we’re unable to land at Basel due to heavy winds. We’re sorry for the inconvenience. We’ll update you once we have more information.”

The plane lurches to the right, the wings creak and groan almost as loud as the passengers.

I’m noticing my breathing, I’m noticing my heart pounding, thumping adrenaline through a body that’s letting it.

“Vipassana meditators aren’t afraid of death, as it comes they are trained to feel, here comes another sensation, arising, passing, and now another sensation, and another…” Goenka’s voice creates the baseline to a cacophony of shrill high pitched “What the fuck, it’s over pal, this is it, this is how you’re going out” shrieks.

I notice my fists are clenched, the small of my back is taught pulling strings in my Jaw. The muscles around my eyes are relaxed.

Hard to believe we even managed to take off from London given the pounding we took on the way up. How far are these gales stretching?

We’re pulling up through the storm and fear is the collective field.

We ascend violently through the worst waiting for more data.

“The captain has decided We’ll re-route to Geneva as the conditions in Basel have deteriorated.”

Half relief, half unknown. Safety first. Please don’t try Basel again. Are things really better in Geneva? Oh well, at least we get a break.

I start to wonder, if this was it, would I regret anything? Have I lived like I really wanted?

I don’t know. It’s complicated. I’ve never really been sure what I want or what I’m doing. I suppose I’d regret that I wish I’d gone for it more. Being stuck halfway is worse than not going for it at all.