A tribute - Open letter to an old friend

Today is the funeral of one of my best friends. We haven't been close for years now. But the effect we had on each others lives has been dramatic. I was unsure about whether to post this or not. It's quite personal. But since this is more or less a personal blog, I wanted to write this open letter to him out in the public domain, maybe for catharsis. because his life meant something to me, and deeply shaped my own, despite how far apart we ended up. He wasn't necessarily as sentimental as me but I'm sure he'd appreciate this. So here's to you Banfield. No regrets, and all love.

Thoughts and prayers with everyone at the burial today.

Dear Lee

I thought I might struggle what to write here. Sometimes it seems easy and sometimes I just can’t find the words. I’ve been trying to work out if there was anything left unsaid between us.

Probably a lot. But then maybe that’s always the case with everyone.

So here are some things I’ll say now, and try to get as close to the truth as I can. Even if they only serve to reach that part of me that is you, that might be enough. After I heard of your death, which was a shock, I mourned for two days. I cried for you, deeply and sincerely. I think I mourned a lot for you over the years. And for the end of the friendship that shaped my young adult life. It’s hard to wrap my head around how different my life would have been had you not approached me with the prospect of Asia. Had we not missed that train in Leeds that night that sparked your decision to come to New York with me. So many pivot points that lead us to where we ended up. And so many alternative histories the mind boggles, almost to the point of futility. Because the only history there ever is and was is the one that played itself out, and so thats the only conversation worth having.

When we went our separate ways there were things I wished I knew how to articulate to you back then. I couldn’t explain the kinds of transformation process I was going through. It was deep.