...Draws a blank
What did happen over that weekend? There was some knowing that it was something. There was depth, there were tears, there was connection, there was brilliance and beauty, there was courage, there was nurture and there was laughter, streaks of joy as the spectrum came to light in all its wholeness. Of course this is why I'm here, how could it ever not have been?
It struck me halfway through the middle of the partner work, it was so obvious, our relationship with electricity and how it pulls matter into manifest, static, lurking in the unseen, waiting for the portal of empathetic connection to transform, kinetic, flow, transmuting, unlocking alchemy. That yes gateway, permissions in the depths of the dark self, the ugly stuff, the moody, angry, snarling, wailing and gnashing teeth of the trauma echoes, stuck in our fields, craving touch, attention, acknowledgement, permission to be part of the experience, held captive by denial in the frame of our imagined enlightened archetypes. "We are love, we are one, we are so spiritual." Untruth's collapsing into the heat of movement, sound, breath. Softening awareness into the dense space between the particles of the cerebellum. That's where it's at.
It all felt so personal. And yet it totally wasn't.
But what is processing on behalf of the collective field of consciousness? When the particles become waves, when selves collapse into one, the room is alive, "your stuff" becomes "the fields stuff" It's not about "the people" it's about nodes, antennas, receiving and transmitting information, a bundle of frequencies, willing in acquiesce to a higher order, a unified wavelength, closing loops and circuits with one another, completing cycles, washing away the build up of stagnant electricity held as a field of self and hitting fast forward on the evolution of the human organism.
That magic feeling, subtle in the ether, that ascends through your foot soles and trickles through your fingertips, lights up your eyes and gyrates through your crown, unfolding the heart space when you enter a room full of dance.
Can our deepest held beliefs, thought's and emotions really be as benign as patterns of light held together in an electromagnetic field? And when fields merge through the ancient language of sound, movement, breath, in this communion an information loop opens. "They're ready", it says, and life force begins to surge through them pulsing their bodies, waving their hands. Expressing it's agenda, much more complete than any personal narrative carried in by each. And they give themselves to it, a greater intelligence, that organised a body into a symbiotic relationship with an environment, as a total organism. And they feel again, real, alive, one. They remember, and this contributes to the dynamism of a new collective identity.
It's so simple in that space. As the one looks through the lens of many selves, creating a reality from quantum soup through the filters of the senses. What is sees, changes.
Oh. It was that. Well, that's not something I didn't already know. But I couldn't see it. So it was forgotten. But now I do. I suppose that's how it goes.
Too much mountain air.
Check back in again another time.
An unbridled sense of gratitude for the weekends activity and all its wonderful participants.
If you're interested in one of these orgiastic romps through consciousness, the next retreat coming up I think is in Paris in February? (TBC) Then a longer deeper dive come March in the Alps by the lake. Hot/cold therapy, deep breathing, sound journeys, introspective dance, deep connection and all that jazz.
Stay tuned for more.
The centre is coming along nicely. Floorboards being pinned, walls being insulated, and sawdust in my beard. Which looks as ridiculous as it sounds. The thing about having a beard is that it begins to take on a life of its own. It reaches out for food that tumbles off the spoon, it engulfs whole pencils. it hides secrets. But its a part of letting go of control. Surrender to the flow of hair that pushes itself daily from my chin with admirable determination and consistency. Perhaps I can learn something from it before the next cull.
Happy hibernation everyone