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"The Purpose of Non Violent Communication is to teach us to do something we already know how to do"

Marshall Rosenberg

What he was talking about was natural giving, heart based communication that keeps us connected to whats alive in us seeking expression instead of going up to our head to make judgements analysis and diagnosis. Non Violent communication is about staying connected to Feelings and Needs. What is being felt because of what needs are alive inside either being met or not being met. To make it easier to learn its divided into two types of speak:


Jackal - concerned with the head, thoughts, judgements, analysis and diagnosis, life alienating communication.

Giraffe - concerned with feelings and needs, what's alive in each moment, life enriching communication.

Below is a set of guidelines as to the process of non violent communication, an inventory of feelings we're likely to feel when our needs are bing met, an inventory of how we're likely to feel when our needs are not being met, and an inventory of needs. More will come soon to this page...

There is of course more depth to the process than this, but at its barest bones, this is what it looks like. Observations, feelings, needs and requests.


If you'd like to go a little deeper you can do so just below, if not you can skip to the end here.

Going a bit deeper

The goal is to make life more wonderful, by staying connected to ourselves and each other at the common level of basic human feelings and basic human needs. So whether we're giving gratitude for something we're observing and bringing attention to something we'd like to change, we use the same process.


1.We observe a behaviour without diagnosing or evaluating or mixing our own judgement of what we think is happening.

2. (Optional) We observe the story we're telling ourselves, that little voice in our head that is making criticisms and judgements all day long, sometimes about others, sometimes about ourselves.

3. We check a feelings inventory and list the things we're feeling in the moment

4. We check a needs inventory to make heart based judgements about which needs are alive in us being met or not being met, and see these as the actual cause of our feelings, not the other persons behaviour.

5. We make a request to the other giving them a description of what we'd like to see them do to help meet our needs, and we do so without any manipulation, shame or guilt induction, intimidation and request that they only do as we ask if they can do so with the joy of a young child feeding a hungry duck.

This is important, for if the other persons does as we ask out of any other energy we will end up paying for it in other ways, usually they will end up resenting which doesnt make life more wonderful for anyone. So it's important in NVC that we're always aware in any given situation we do something because we choose to.

We may not always like the choices we have, but there's never anything done that isn't, on some level, a choice.


And so now with a bit of familiarity on the modalities, you might be beginning to see how the two can dovetail into one another for a balanced approach to deeper levels of peace all round. It's through the combination of these two modalities that have impacted us deeply we get the symbol of the meridian pointed person talking to the creature with the largest heart of any land mammal - the giraffe.

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