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Updated: May 13, 2019



CTB - the Dawn; A pair of mixes made for Ruben Guo's podcast, featuring two endings, one slightly longer than the other one, you can give me feedback about which one you prefer. My aim had been to make something a little bit shorter, I get carried away though and keep adding tracks as the journey takes hold. I like this a lot, features some of my favourite artists and is more a physical experience, there's still a journey element but more like consistent waves, without so much the emotional delta dips. Good for detox and power.


The link to Rubens podcast is here

The one below, Camino Azul is a great morning starter, 3 rounds or 5 rounds of Wim Hof, with a way more latin mediciney flavour. This one I did pretty much every morning in November before taking a wee dip in the North Sea. My tip for it is to have a pen and pad ready by your side as each morning I did this it was like an idea was building itself through me and it would reveal a little more each day. Short and powerful. Good for creativity.


Let me know what you'd like to see more of, I'm in the process of making shorter more succinct little ones, and more relaxing meditations, I recently did a lot of intense to deep delta relaxation sessions on a retreat. I'll upload them soon and you can give me feedback on what you liked and what you want to hear more of

Much love ❤️🙏




Here's a video shot with long time comrade Sebastiaan Van Der Schrier over at socialanxietysolutions.com

The nice guy syndrome is something that was championed by the book "No more Mr Nice guy" By Dr Robert Glover. If you're not aware of what it is, it's a phenomenon of men (although it also applies across the genders with people pleasing) who embody the following traits (taken from the book)

Nice guys are givers

Nice guys fix and caretake

Nice guys seek approval from others

Nice guys avoid conflict

Nice guys believe they must hide their perceived flaws and mistakes

Nice guys seek the right way to do things

Nice guys repress their feelings

Nice guys often try to be different from their fathers

Nice guys are often more comfortable relating to women than men

Nice guys have difficulty making their needs a priority

Nice guys often make their partner their emotional centre

nice guys are dishonest

nice guys are secretive

nice guys are compartmentalised

nice guys are manipulative

nice guys are controlling

nice guys give to get

nice guys are passive aggressive

nice guys are full of rage

nice guys are addictive

nice guys have difficulty setting boundaries

nice guys are frequently isolated

nice guys are often attracted to people and situations that need fixing

nice guys frequently have problems in intimate relationships

nice guys have issues with sexuality

nice guys are usually only relatively successful

It was painfully embarrassing a couple of years ago to be reading this list line by line going; yep, yep, yea that's me, yep I do that. Seriously, I think too painful in some cases where it was like; come on now, I'm not exactly like that, or, it's not that bad.

In the subsequent years I came to realise I was, and it was.

Fortunately things became sufficiently painful to motivate me to action. It took some particularly brutal experiences within a relationship to at least shake me awake to what was going on, but it was a bit like, being woken up then trying to go back to sleep. It's been a hell of journey working through this archetypal pattern, and continues to be a work in progress, in short though, it speaks to something like the journey we're all on, the journey to some more authentic expression. Maybe that's a never ender, but at least awareness of the archetypal patterns that possess you habitually can be an entry point to some deeper work in peeling back the layers of not you, to get to the reality underneath.


(The book by Robert Glover)

Reality can actually be pretty terrifying. It's not a mystery why people prefer to sleep, succumbing to the allure of numbing agents, addictions and sometimes necessary crutches to stem the flow painful light that comes with having your eyes open. So it's not a quest to be taken lightly, but it seems like the least terrible option when compared with remaining in delusion about yourself and the world you inhabit. At least most of the time. There's much within myself that would avoid at all costs the pain of waking up and taking responsibility for my existence. And that seems to be a continuous back and forth negotiation. At my best I'm unmoved by the struggle, dis-identified with it all, relaxed and enjoying the show. At my worst I'm entrenched in the middle of it, scrambling for some emotional foothold, absorbed by my addiction to drama, desperately trying to skirt the terror of the unknown by generating even the most painful of identities.

I tend to find the things I have the most resistance to, are the area's I've yet to integrate within myself. There's some disowned shard of psychological underbelly, and an emotional charge protecting it. Sometimes, and especially in the case of the nice guy, the disowned part could be the monstrous part of me that says No, and means it. The part that knows how to draw boundaries, and is willing to face the pain of disapproval, being disliked and even the threat of violence by drawing them. because in order to own that part, it's necessary to feel the terror of it's counterpart, and integrate that too.

In this video Seb and I talk fairly candidly about some of my own personal struggle with this obsolete strategy for life, where it comes from and what you might begin to do to crack it open and integrate the fragments.

Please enjoy, I'd also love to hear feedback from other "nice guys" who are interested in recovery.




Here is an updated explanation of the different types of breath used in Inner Dance Breathwork and The thing I'm currently developing - Conscious Trance Breathwork. Inner dance breathwork typically uses four types of breath

1. Long relaxing Rebirthing breaths

2. Short sharp Breath of fire breaths

3. Wim Hof method breaths

4. Intense Circular breaths

These are only the types of breath I've recorded and experimented with so far, but I'm exploring more currently and the different effects they have on the body. The main difference between IDB and CTB is the structure of the music. IDB Music has a narrative structure likened to something like the hero's journey, The sessions are long, typically an hour to an hour 30. Whereas CTB is something a little bit shorter with less narrative structure to the music. It's still something in development and so is taking its form gradually.

So far I've been getting a lot of feedback for shorter sessions that people can do more on the fly, so this has been something that's been in development. It's a creative process and I'm adept at procrastination so it's been taking its time. Thank you for the continued support from all.

<3


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