Nice guys are givers
nice guys fix and caretake
nice guys seek approval from others
nice guys avoid conflict
Nice guys believe they must hide their perceived flaws and mistakes
nice guys seek the right way to do things
nice guys repress their feelings
nice guys often try to be different from their fathers
nice guys are often more comfortable relating to women than men
nice guys have difficulty making their needs a priority
nice guys often make their partner their emotional centre
nice guys are dishonest
nice guys are secretive
nice guys are compartmentalised
nice guys are manipulative
nice guys are controlling
nice guys give to get
nice guys are passive aggressive
nice guys are full of rage
nice guys are addictive
nice guys have difficulty setting boundaries
nice guys are frequently isolated
nice guys are often attracted to people and situations that need fixing
nice guys frequently have problems in intimate relationships
nice guys have issues with sexuality
nice guys are usually only relatively successful
If any commonly think any of the above thoughts, or similar ones, then this might be of interest;
I had some notes on what I wanted to say in this video but halfway through felt it sounding a bit too sales-y so I went off road. I liked what came out and decided to keep it. I AM interested in people, to an obsessive degree. I'm probably my own favourite case study, and in learning more about my own struggles has enabled me to hone in on what I'm best at;
I specialise in working with transformations, transitions, effective communication and inner conflict resolution. I help people build rock solid long term relationships with themselves.
The sessions are conducted using a variety of modalities, sometimes in the field of energy psychology, working with Internal family systems, dissociated parts, EFT acupressure therapy, breathwork and various meditations to release and integrate trapped emotions, investigating and restructuring the systems of interpretation creating a lot of suffering in your life.
And sometimes through effective dialogue; you get to understand your own patterns and beliefs which gives you autonomy over them, awareness, bringing about choice points, giving you power to make different decisions and arrange your life in a way that's good for you.
It's not always easy work, it requires uncomfortable self reflection and scrutiny. A deep analysis that highlights parts of yourself that you don’t like, and resolves to work with them.
But it's effective.
Who is this for?
Here are some common themes that come up:
You’re stuck at your job.
You’re stuck in a relationship and want something to change.
You’re struggling with the loss of a relationship.
You're stuck on something you're not sure how to overcome.
You’re dissatisfied and don’t know why.
Your life isn't what you expected it to be.
You're in some kind of pain or cycle of addiction.
You’re feel dissociated, depressed and hopeless.
You feel a lot of repressed anger.
You generally don't like who you are.
You feel guilty about causing conflict and avoid it.
You’re a man suffering from “nice guy” syndrome.
You’re struggling with narcissism.
You’re a victim and want to break the cycle.
You’re having difficulty communicating effectively.
You want to be honest without fear or guilt.
You want to be heard and understood fully by others.
You want the courage to speak authentically.
You want to know yourself better.
You want to understand why you do what you do.
You want more freedom in your life.
You want clarity about your purpose.
You’re seeking deeper love and connection.
You want more responsibility and power.
You have a sincere desire to grow
You want to live a meaningful life.
You’re looking for answers.
And you stumbled onto this page.
Who is this not for?
You’re looking for a silver bullet.
You’re looking for a healer.
You’re looking to enter a codependent rescuer-victim relationship with a therapist.
You’re not willing to be uncomfortable.
You’re not willing to get to know your dark side.
You’re unwilling to invest in yourself.
You're not ready to take responsibility.
Somebody else wants you to do this but you’re not committed.
You’re not ready to do the work.
There's no mistake, life can be really really hard sometimes. it can hit you with brutal, oppressive circumstances that seem impossible to navigate. So to be able to set yourself up psychologically and physically, in a way that you have what you need to not be cynical, bitter and resentful through the inevitable challenges and tests, but actually emerge stronger, becomes even more important. It's ok that everybody's at where they’re at on their journey, but it’s important that you look through this list to qualify yourself so we can both enjoy maximum benefits working together.
Here are some video's outlining some of techniques and modalities from the toolbox. Energy psychology is a relatively new and rapidly expanding discipline. I'm currently working hard to bring you more from this field.
After working with these tools for over 9 years I can say with all seriousness it's help me come to understand and relate to myself in ways I never thought possible.
I went through stages:
Stage 1 - identifying with thoughts and beliefs
I used to think I was what I thought I was.
Or more like; I would think I was what I thought other people thought I was. If it sounds complicated, try imagine living that way. After spending a lot of time identifying and getting stuck on thoughts, beliefs, opinions and ideologies, in a relatively shallow and largely numbed out existence, I went full tilt kicking and screaming into the next stage...
Stage 2 - Identifying with emotions and feelings
I'd been so out of touch with my feelings favouring the dismally pervasive masculine archetype of the emotionless cold hard male, that I went through a painful reconnection to all this walled up anger, resentment, shame, guilt, grief and sadness, this stage was largely characterised with inner dance and meditation. But like, I really went for it. Pretty soon was so immersed in my emotional states that I was drowning, and becoming increasingly unstable. This was also a very painful place, I was losing hope here. Until I begun to descend through to something deeper...
stage 3 - identifying with consciousness
After running a wild gauntlet of hyper sensitivity I began to arrive at identification with the consciousness that moves between emotional states, opinions, ideologies, thoughts and beliefs. The experience of emotions is certainly no less rich, but there's a place behind it all that everything can be enjoyed from. In diving through many layers of noisy, dissociated, fragmented, solipsistic echo's within my psyche, there's an unfolding beginning that's grounded in something very quiet and operates through undercurrents of universal values.
This part is compelling, it's new, and I don't know where it will lead.
But I do know innately it's what I'm here to give back.
It's still a daily practice to nurture this new life energy, I'm a creative, and have actually really struggled with the kind of discipline needed to truly transform, and then sustain the change. So I know the value transitioning between discipline and understanding. It took me a long time to learn how to be a good parent to myself, and I'm still learning. It's hard to get yourself to do things, which is why many people don't, and it's for this reason they miss out.
It might be even more work now than it's ever been, but there's a quality to this work that's sincerely fascinating. Through establishing good relationships between all parts of you, a unity and focus establishes itself that doesn't require dragging yourself through things anymore.
We're not a culture that has been raised to like and feel safe being who we are.
But its this foundation that leads you to be more of who you are and do more of what you're here to do, which makes living no longer a chore, but something meaningful, in a way that makes everything else worthwhile.
Sessions are 1 hour long.
And US$75 per session.
Discount is negotiable for booking sessions in bulk.
Sessions are most commonly done through video chat.
In person sessions will include additional travel fees.
We'll have a free 30 minute consultation to see if we're a good match for what you're wishing to accomplish.
Click here to send me a message.
All sessions are conducted in complete confidence.
Here's what some other people have said:
"Tom was in tune and asked me questions before the start of the event. He tailored the session for my needs and that was awesome. He knew what he was doing from start to finish. He had an enormous amount of patience and quiet strength. Tom gave me the space to open up and express myself and when he listen, he really listened; not just with his ears but with everything." - Andrik Sim
"Tom gave me "energy psychology" sessions! He helped me with some issues using EFT, NLP, & Psych-K! Never dreamed that I'd not only find someone in Taiwan who knows about energy psychology, but someone who is very knowledgeable, trained & experienced in it--and willing to give me sessions! Truly awesome. I've paid good $s to other professional practitioners who didn't do nearly as good a job as Tom! He has an intuitive feel for what to do, was very attentive, and took all the time that I needed. What a generous soul! I'm really grateful to him for what he did for me. And it was so much fun chatting with him about our mutual interests. He's a great guy, a wonderful host, and a truly caring person."
"Tom is a force of nature. He celebrates life by helping people create a life of their dreams, an inspirational mission without end. His everlasting commitment to the betterment of society speaks volumes to his dedication and love for self mastery." ~ Bek Young
"I remember going through some of my dark corners with Inner Dance and at the end felt ashamed of having these. I kind of wanted to sneak out quickly as I did not know how to put my experience into words or even didn't feel it legitimate to allow this experience to be a "positive" one that helped me open internal barriers. Anyway, you told me that I could come and talk to you, I did not know how, so you just came to me and honoured the babbling that came out of me. It was simple but I am grateful you initiated this gesture. Thank you for not letting me run away!" - Clem
"You inspire me in many different ways. In your music and your way of living, you explore radically both masculine / feminine sides, yin & yang, fighty and hypersensitive. That gives me permission to stop trying balancing both with each other, but just give full permission of being to both aspects. Many of your videos (especially EFT ones) strengthens my sense of freedom (or feeling of security in the freedom), just by the way the technique becomes an exploration, and there’s no more technique, there’s a pathway you encourage us to take & create. And the radical honesty towards yourself, in your explorations, debrief etc, I think this initiated a big trigger, and again permission to go deeper, further, in the light or in the dark. In one word : « integrity, no matter what »." - Antonia
"Best 10 day coaching with you in Bali in 2016. Life changing for both Alex and I . Very thankful xxx" - Rachelle
"I sat with you a couple of times when you were experimenting with inner dialogue and had the phenomenal experience of diving into the verbose that came out of both of us. through that mirroring process I gained a lot of illumination of different ideologies or thought patterns that I was running. This awareness enabled me to see if these were still serving me or not, and helped create an opportunity where I could change the ones that weren't." - Sam
Tom...i was catapulted into the deep end in inner dance. You brought my attention to "the space between". I'm finding it a rich and powerful way to embrace many conflicts I perceived to open endless possibilities to change and grow. This lead me to be open to my shadow self and the power which lies there. THANK YOU, you're a honey xxx - Caroline
"Hmmmm.. I’ve been really pondering this, to find the right words..
The kindness you have offered has been soft, honest and deeply touching. It has a way of bringing a safety with it and melting my fearful places.
Humour, you always seem to have a way of bringing some lightness to what can feel like a heavy burden at times, reminding me to not take it all so seriously.
Deep listening. You have a strong capacity to reflect back to me what I sometimes miss.. enabling me to see a little more of what’s true.
Clarity. Your deep insights have been invaluable to me. It has helped me to uncover parts of my psyche that were ready to be seen and felt.
Humility. You continue to remind me that despite the various stages of evolution and change, first and foremost, we are all equal. Brothers and sisters of love.
That’s not really even half of it, but it feels like I might just end with this:
I’m very grateful for who you are and what you are in this world. Your gifts are endless."